Hanneke Photography

Back home again after a week that changed my life a little more. I had to go back to my regular job the morning after we came back and that was kind of a shock. After taking care of people that were not demanding and were grateful for anything you did for me, my empathy level for the ER population was below zero….

The journey started on Monday, February 1st. There was a meeting scheduled at the hospital were we would be briefed about our trip, and would meet everybody on the team. All the paperwork that needed to be done, including a waver for the hospital (because unfortunately they did not want to be involved in this in the first place…), copies of our passports, emergency contacts etc. The plan was to leave early the next morning around 8 AM.

Unfortunately, the weather did not cooperate. Now I live in the South…usually not too cold in the winter, but this winter was a real one. So there was concern about de-icing the plane. So at 6:15AM we were told that the flight had to be postponed until noon, and then we would get a new update. Luckily, we were able to leave and finally took off around 2PM. The flight was smooth and we got to the Bahamas about 3 hours later. We stayed in Nassau in a very luxurious hotel, and the next morning we took of to the airport for the last leg of our trip.

From the airport in Les Cayes, Haiti it was about an hour or so ride on a mostly unpaved road to Hospital Lumiere in Bonnefin, up the mountain. We arrived around 2:30 PM and were shown the guesthouse. Since we had to leave our luggage behind in the Bahamas, due to weight limitation on the plane, we didn’t have a lot to unpack. We changed into scrubs and straight to work. I was going to take over from a nurse that would be leaving the next day. She gave me the quick tour and report on the most critical patients.

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So I got permission this Monday after calling my boss twice, once in the morning and finally again early afternoon. Such frustration, but in the end I am going so who cares, right? Called Tom right away. Tom is the business manager for the orthopedic surgeons. Doesn’t know a whole lot about nurses I guess but man, does he know how to organize stuff!!

Today I went back to work to find a bunch of emails.. Leaving Tuesday at first, but now maybe Monday. Which gives some practical problems, like my house is a mess, I am working my three weekend shifts…and if the days are all going to be like today….not good.

But oh well, what do I really need? I finally have a use for my old crappy scrubs that are just taking up closet space (better try them on to see if they fit) have plenty of old tank tops and t-shirts, shorts and other clothes. Someone at work told me to get men’s boxers, apparently they are very comfortable (although I wonder about the hole in the front..)  But what would be my size???  I have plenty of sunscreen lotion, Kathie is making me homemade granola because I really can not stand those protein/power bars….. I have a bunch of antibiotics already filled, sunglasses, a hat so I think I’ll be okay. And I can do anything for a week!

We are going to a hospital in Les Cayes, on the west coast and outside of the quake zone. Still very very busy, with lots of patients to see.

But for all of you that have expressed their worries, not close to Port au Prince and very safe!!!

So ever since this disaster happened on January 12, I have been wanting to crawl through my tv to go and help. Feel useless sitting here in the comfort of my living room, with central heating and running water and food in the fridge. The Friday after the earthquake I had to work. The first thing I did was go to my nurse manager and I asked her if our hospital was getting a team together to go to Haiti and share our knowledge and experience. She said she’d look into it and got back to me later that day. Unfortunately, nothing was planned as of that day. So I worked my weekend, went to the gym to teach my classes and tried not to watch the news too much. Numerous people, at work and outside of work, had already asked me if/when I was going to Haiti. Kind of funny, they seem to know me better than I know myself….

Then yesterday, when I came back to work, and checked my email, I found an email send by one of our orthopedic surgeons. He was trying to get a team together to go to Haiti to render care to the victims of the earthquake. So I emailed him back. Told him my experience, and I guess it is quite a list. So I got an email back from him… “When can you go????” one of the biggest compliments for me. So I told him whenever they needed me to go, but I also needed to get permission from my nurse manager to take the days off. Now it is not as long as Tanzania. Only 7 to 10 days. Only one weekend of work that I will not be there. So not too difficult I would think… Silly me. Even though I had emailed my boss fairly early I still had not heard anything back at the end of the shift. Now I know I am not the only one that wants her attention on an issue.. but jeez, this is Haiti and an earthquake and people dying and in desperate need of basic care.

So this morning, after I send my patient home after waking him up with a cheerful sternum rub (frequent visitor of our department with a narcotic dependance) and also requesting from him to please not play with himself while I was in the room, I wrote another email to please let me know as soon as possible so I could let the team know if and when I would be able to go.

Got an email back…

Have to run it by the next boss up…

And he probably has to run it by his boss…..

So we will see. They are trying to go this coming Monday or Tuesday, which would be a little quick practically, but not undoable (is this a word?). The next team would go on February 1, a week from monday.

Keep your fingers crossed. Think good thoughts! Because I really want to go. I think my future may be in this kind of work.

So I have been back for almost two weeks now. I’m still trying to get adjusted to life here. Kind of strange, since I did have bouts of homesickness when I was in Haydom. But I guess when you sit on your own couch with all the comforts around you, there is plenty of time to think about things. And going back to work here is another story. Besides the fact that I am really happy to have anything and everything available to do my job, I have a very hard time with other things. Like my first day back… I walked into the ER and encountered one of our very frequent patients, a poor soul that is addicted to crack cocaine, has no kidney function left so she is on dialysis.She smokes crack, then can’t breathe and calls 911. She has I think at least 5000 lives left because anybody else would have been dead a long time ago the way she lives. But anyway, I walk in and see her walking in the hallway, only wearing a t-shirt, oxygen mask on her forehead and IV fluid bag on her shoulder. Welcome home…

Then I am yelled at by family members on the phone because I did not want to take down each family member’s phone number to call them back individually. When I explained that I did have one phone number and would update that person, I was told that this was ridiculous and this person could not understand why I could not do this. Even after explaining the unit was busy and we were short staffed. I then invited the family member to come and work with me for a day and then maybe she would understand… Maybe not the best thing to say, but I just do not like being yelled at…. Although now I was yelled at even more…..And I have to admit that my compassion for little complaints is not at a high level right now. So maybe it is time for another job.. However, this past weekend I did discovered that when my patients are really ill, my compassion comes back very quickly. So at least I have not become nurse Ratchett just yet. So there is hope.

But I do miss the simple smiling as a thank you. The friendly faces, the laughing out loud when trying to speak my few Swahili words, the simple things. And yes, I know it is not ideal and it is easy to idolize when you sit on your couch at home. Food and good coffee readily available, a washer that does your laundry. A shower you turn on and water at a nice temperature actually comes out. Grocery stores around the corner with more stuff that you will ever need. So I know that this is not really a good comparison. But I do feel I did make a difference when I was in Haydom. More that I do here.

So I will go back. Not really sure when and for how long, but this is not the end of my story….